The Big Lies People Tell In Online Dating

July 7th, 2010 by Christian Rudder

Nerds. As we all know, the Internet is a great place to pretend to be someone you're not. For instance, here's me in Second Life having a great time:

Anyhow, in many online situations, self-misrepresentation is totally harmless. Like, who cares if your Halo 3 avatar is taller than you are in real life? Or if flickr thinks you're single when you're really married? But in online dating, where the whole goal is to eventually meet other people in person, creating a false impression is a whole different deal.

People do everything they can in their OkCupid profiles to make themselves seem awesome, and surely many of our users genuinely are. But it's very hard for the casual browser to tell truth from fiction. With our behind-the-scenes perspective, we're able to shed some light on some typical claims and the likely realities behind them.

Let's get started.

"I'm 6 feet tall."

REALITY: People are two inches shorter in real life.

This whole post was inspired by an amusing graph we stumbled across while trying to answer the question Do taller guys have more sex? The answer, to a degree, is yes, and I'll expand on that in a little bit. But in this case what was more interesting than the sex was the (supposed) tallness of the guys.

The male heights on OkCupid very nearly follow the expected normal distribution—except the whole thing is shifted to the right of where it should be. You can see it better when we overlay the implied best fit below (pardon the technical language):

Almost universally guys like to add a couple inches. You can also see a more subtle vanity at work: starting at roughly 5' 8", the top of the dotted curve tilts even further rightward. This means that guys as they get closer to six feet round up a bit more than usual, stretching for that coveted psychological benchmark.

When we looked into the data for women, we were surprised to see height exaggeration was just as widespread, though without the lurch towards a benchmark height:

On a somewhat humbling personal note, I just went back and looked at my own profile, and apparently I list myself at 5' 11". Really, I'm a touch under 5' 10". Hmmm.

. . .

As for whether it even makes sense for people to make such an obvious and easily disproved exaggeration, the jury is out. We've found that taller people, up to a point, have more sex:

But as far as messages go, shorter women actually seem to get more attention:

These are the average weekly unsolicited message totals by height; you can think of these as the number of times a person is "hit on" out of the blue each week on OkCupid. a 5' 4" woman gets 60 more contacts each year than a six-footerThe genders are plotted on different scales because of the eternal fact that men almost always make the first move, so women get many more unsolicited messages.

It's plain from these two charts that women six feet or taller are either less attractive to men or are considered too intimidating to message. The data also raises the interesting possibility that these tall women are much more likely to sleep with a man who does approach them. Compare the 6' 0" woman to her 5' 4" counterpart: the taller woman gets hit on about two-thirds as much, yet has had slightly more sex partners.

"I make $100,000 a year."

REALITY: People are 20% poorer than they say they are.

Apparently, an online dater's imagination is the best performing mutual fund of the last 10 years. Here's what people are saying on OkCupid, versus what their incomes should be:

Use the slider to watch as people exaggerate more as they get older. As you can see, people advertise disproportionately high salaries for themselves. Just to pick a symbolic amount, there are consistently 4× the number of people making $100K a year than there should be.

Note that in formulating the "expected" lines for each age we were very careful to adjust for OkCupid's particular demographics: we compared every individual against the average not just by age but by zip code. Here a breakdown by gender of the exaggeration rates:

A woman may earn 76 cents on the dollar for the same work as a man, but she can fabricate, like, 85 cents no problem.

As a public service, we've decided to make our income calculations available. The following widget will calculate the statistically expected income of your potential matches; you give it a gender, an age, and a zip code, and it'll spit out a salary. Then you can confront your dates about exactly how much money they probably do or don't make. Fun!

. . .

We did a little investigating as to whether a person's stated income had any real effect on his or her online dating experience. Unsurprisingly, we found that it matters a lot, particularly for men. This is a by-age messaging distribution:

These bold colors contain a subtle message: if you're a young guy and don't make much money, cool. If you're 23 or older and don't make much money, go die in a fire. It's not hard to see where the incentive to exaggerate comes from.

"Here's a recent pic."

REALITY: The more attractive the picture, the more likely it is to be out-of-date.

The above picture, for example, was over two years old when it was uploaded. How do we know? Most modern cameras append text tags to the jpgs they take. These tags, called EXIF metadata, specify things like the exposure and f-stop settings, gps information if your camera has it, and, of course, the time and date the photo was taken. This is how programs like iPhoto know when (and sometimes where) you've taken your pictures.

Analyzing this stuff, we found that most of the pictures on OkCupid were of recent vintage; site-wide the median photo age at upload was just 92 days. However, hotter photos were much more likely to be outdated than normal ones. Here's a comparison (the age of a picture below is how old it was when it was uploaded to our site):

As you can see, over a third of the hottest photos on the site are a year old or more. And more than twice as many hot photos are over three years old (12%) as average-looking ones (5%), which makes sense because people are more inclined to cling to the pics that make them look their best

Another useful (if somewhat unorthodox) way to take in this graph is to follow the horizontal gridlines. If you trace out from "20%", for example, you can see that 1 in 5 average-looking photos is at least a year old, meanwhile, among the hot photos, nearly 1 in 5 is at least two years old.

It also turns out that older people also upload older photos:

The upshot here is, if you see a good-looking picture of a man over 30, that photo is very likely to be out-of-date. Not to get personal again, but my own OkCupid photo shows a Burberry-dressed 27 year-old, strumming away on his guitar. Meanwhile, I turn 35 in a couple months and am writing this post in the same shorts and tee-shirt I've been wearing for a week. Time waits for no man, unless that man doesn't update his personal information.

"I'm bisexual."

REALITY: 80% of self-identified bisexuals are only interested in one gender.

OkCupid is a gay- and bi-friendly place and it's not our intention here to call into question anyone's sexual identity. But when we looked into messaging trends by sexuality, we were very surprised at what we found. People who describe themselves as bisexual overwhelmingly message either one sex or the other, not both as you might expect. Site-wide, here's how it breaks out:

This suggests that bisexuality is often either a hedge for gay people or a label adopted by straights to appear more sexually adventurous to their (straight) matches. You can actually see these trends in action in the chart below.

Again, this is just the data we've collected. We'd be very interested in our bisexual users' thoughts on this single-sex-messaging phenomenon, so if you'd like to weigh-in please use the comments section. Please note, everybody, that we don’t assume that bis should be “into both genders equally.” We only assume that they should be into both genders at all. The swaths of red and blue that you see in these sexuality charts represent people who message only one gender. The purple areas are people who send any messages, in whatever proportion, to both men and women.

In this chart, throughout the teens and twenties, the male bisexual population is mostly observably gay men. By the mid-thirties, it seems, most of these men are more comfortable self-identifying as gay and have left the bi population. By the end of our chart, 3 of every 4 bi males on OkCupid are observably straight. Meanwhile, the proportion of men who message both women and other men holds fairly steady.

The proportions for women are more consistent over time:

12% of women under 35 on OkCupid (and the internet in general, I'd wager) self-identify as bi. However, as you can see above, only about 1 in 4 of those women is actually into both guys and girls at the same time. I know this will come as a big letdown to the straight male browsing population: three-fourths of your fantasies are, in fact, fantasies of a fantasy. Like bi men, most bi women are, for whatever reason, not observably bi. The primacy of America's most popular threesome, two dudes and an Xbox, is safe.

. . .

In gathering data for this last section on sexuality, we found so much interesting stuff that we're making it the topic of our next post. We'll look at the messaging, searching, and stalking (!) patterns of gay, bi, and straight people and see what else we can learn about the sexual continuum. Until then, no lie: thanks for reading.

842 Responses to “The Big Lies People Tell In Online Dating”

  1. Rose says:

    I’m not really sure how Okcupid can say they’re not being judgmental of our orientation, but then they list “I’m bisexual” as one of the “lies people tell” on dating sites. Um, yeah, you’re being judgmental.

    I’ll just echo what others have already said: The straight people who make up the Okcupid staff may not know this, but the same-sex dating scene is small. I live in a large, very gay city, and it’s small FOR ME. I can’t imagine what it’s like for people in less popular, less queer-friendly areas. It makes sense statistically, since only 10% of the population is interested in the same sex. So there are a lot of bi people, including myself, who signed up to use Okcupid specifically to find dateable people of the same sex. If you’re a straight person and you have difficulty finding someone you like who also likes you, imagine how much harder that would be if your dating pool was 10 times smaller than it is.

    On the opposite end, part of that may be because if you’re looking for both sexes, since there are more straights than queers out there the vast majority of your matches will be people of the opposite sex. So bi people who mostly message opposite-sex matches may only be doing that because that’s what the site is giving them. It’s why I have myself looking just for “girls who like girls,” even though I’m open to guys as well, because girls are why I signed up for the site and I don’t get that many if I’m looking for both guys AND girls. And as others have mentioned, there’s the problem with people in the gay community who are biphobic and refuse to date bisexuals, further reducing the already-small same-sex dating pool. I know this is a huge problem for bi girls looking to date lesbians, but from what I’ve heard many gay men won’t date bi men either. By contrast, less straight people, especially straight men, are opposed to dating bisexuals, and even if there were some, because straight people make up 90% of the population it’s a lot easier to find someone who isn’t bigoted on this issue.

  2. Rose says:

    Also, if Okcupid wants to be more queer-friendly, along with adding “pansexual” and “asexual” as well as non-binary gender options, it would also be nice for us queers if you had a drop-down box for “butch” or “femme.” Or at the very LEAST, add a question about it. That’s another problem I’ve heard for a lot of bisexual women; so many of the girls on here, especially bi girls but also many of the lesbians, skew femme. That’s not an issue for me since I prefer femme girls (and lesbian spaces IRL are usually predominantly butch, so OKC is a nice change in that sense), but I know it’s a huge problem for bi women who prefer butches and I’ve heard that for some of them, that’s why they tend to message men way more than women.

    I will have to say, though, that the “hide yourself from straight people” button is a nice step. I’m not using it since I’m open to dating men. But pretty much every lesbian I know who has used okcupid has gotten awful messages from straight men who can’t accept that there are women out there who aren’t interested in cock. There are also bisexuals who are really only on there for the same sex, and it’s good that they have the option of hiding themselves from straight people’s results.

  3. Emily Taylor says:

    I list myself as bisexual on okcupid for exactly the same reasons that Andy Manchester does. I’m a woman, about 80% into men and 20% into women. I am sexually attracted to women, and I’ve had sex with women, but I’ve never had a relationship with a woman and am not sure whether or not I want to. So basically, I date men, I have sex with men and women, I’m open to the idea that I could be sexually attracted to or fall in love with just about anyone. I use okcupid primarily to meet men, but I’m not opposed to the idea of meeting women on it; I’m just too shy and unsure about it to actually seek it out. I initially had myself listed as heterosexual, because I mainly message men, but it felt dishonest, because I am also attracted to women.

    In general, I feel that the idea that there are three distinct sexual orientations, straight, bi, and gay, is a gross oversimplification that tries to make a complex and subtle issue, influenced by culture, societal pressure, and who knows how many other variables, into something cut-and-dried. To force people into choosing one of these categories is bad enough, but to then say that they are lying because the outcome doesn’t match what one person (who I’m assuming is not bisexual) would expect based on their understanding is just plain insulting.

    That said, thanks for your work and your research. It’s always interesting!

  4. Jeff says:

    vvvv is correct and the rest of you need to learn to type shorter messages.

  5. amber says:

    OK IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF WHEN PPL SAY THERE ARE NO SUHC THINGS AS BISEXUALS. You obviously do not know bc you are not bi. That’s like me saying there are no such thing as straights/gays. I am bi, I am attracted to both female and male, I get the equal amount of physical and emotional satisfaction from oth genders. It is harder to be bi than it is to be gay or straight because bi’s arent acepted by the gay community or the straight. We are objectified by both communities. It’s not a coice, but a way of feeling. I am extremely open minded and i do not see race or gender when I fall in love, all i do is feel. If i feel that feeling no physical attrtibutes can take that away. I wish more people learned how to love like I do, maybe there would be less hate in our world.

  6. lanna says:

    I think that the messaging of bisexual people has less to do with their sexuality and more to do with who they haven’t dated in a while. I mean, if a bisexual girl gets hit on all the time by guys, she might look into a dating site to meet more women because that is what she sees as lacking in her love life. The same could be for guys whether perceived more straight or gay, they might seek the gender that normally gives them less attention. I also believe your hypothesis is correct for some of the people, but not all.

  7. AtheneInABQ says:

    As mentioned above, I find a fair number of the bi profiles I read, my own included, mention a significant other of one gender, and therefore are looking for relationships with the other gender online. You need to take into consideration the relationship status of the bi users who are open about it. Identically, actually, there are a fair number of profiles where, in the text, they admit to being bi but label themselves as gay in a nod to the gender who they are interested in messaging.

  8. Sally says:

    I’d be interested to see the data for how many straight or gay okc members message both men and women, cos there are definitely bisexual people on here who put down ‘straight’ or ‘gay’ to avoid receiving crappy ‘lets have sex’ messages from men.

  9. witischism says:

    I love data and statistics. Thanks! It’s interesting reading all the replies as well. Keep up the good work. There is obviously a lot of psychological things happening with this whole shift in finding relationships on line. I wonder what the future will bring? DNA input, prescreened testing, arranged partners, knowing what an offspring’s looks and characteristics will be before hand? I’d love to ask readers if they think there is an increase in bi/gay/les/tri mating or if it’s just more out of the closet? If they do think there’s more, why? And how do they see the future? I also wonder if things like on-line dating decreases monogamy (maybe even romance) and if that’s seen as good or bad?

    Knowing how and why we do the things we do is endlessly fascinating.
    (unless it all ends of course)

  10. lervly genitals says:

    We all are bi to some extent or another. The human form is beautiful regardless of its gender. A great deal of art and science has gone into the mastery and beauty of the human body.

    I find women attractive and I have had experience with women, but I couldn’t see myself seriously dating a woman, so I list myself as “straight”.

    “Fence Sitters”? Really? That’s typically a male thing to say, insecure about his own sexuality. I don’t know how anyone can claim to be 100% straight with all the phallic and vaginal symbolism around us. Particularly in baking (my field of profession). There’s dicks and pussys all over the damn place.

    Sexuality isn’t as cut and dry as some of us would like it to be. Don’t be so closed-minded and ignorant.

  11. jenna says:

    Reality: Some people actually tell the truth.

    Btw, messaging patterns determine my sexuality? NOT. I already have a steady girlfriend, so am looking for a male partner. According to your crap, this means I’m not bisexual.

  12. Tom says:

    sounds like somebody is not comfortable with their sexuality. Its clearly stated that these are based of usage statistics. I don’t think the OKcupid staff is trying to “take away” your sexuality. Statistically speaking ;) its interesting to note that most of the angry comments are by woman. (i am now a sexist for noticing this trend) I’ve found based on my experience (oh no! he has an opinion too!) women tend to be more sensitive and varied on what sexuality means. Perhaps you shouldn’t take a statistical study so personally. If your sooooo comfortable with your sexuality, then why the flames? Statistically speaking, me being a male under 25, I am more likely to rob you, crash your car and sleep around. However I’ve done none of these things. (Wish I could sleep around more though!) Do I take it personally that I as a male under 25 is statistically much more dangerous than my female counterparts? Of course not, I’m confident in who I am and I have strong morals.

    Flame War: Enter Stage right.

  13. aberstan says:

    How about adding bi-curious to the options too? Thats what I am.

  14. Laura says:

    I’m a bisexual woman, and I agree with Tom’s comment below. To elaborate on my bisexuality, yes, I do prefer men to women (like 70% to 30%), but I am still attracted to women. Here’s a nice excerpt from Wiki: “Bisexuality does not require that a person be attracted **equally** to both sexes. Despite the belief that one cannot be bisexual unless equally attracted to both sexes, a person may have a distinct preference for one sex over the other and still be considered bisexual.”

    You guys are feeling individually, personally attacked for some reason. As with any posts on statistical DATA, you should always realize there are exceptions to the rule, as OKC does.

    Take chill pills, people! :D

  15. Estaban M says:

    According to this I am the most honest person out there I answered everything truthfuly

  16. Art2choke_hearts says:

    As a 7′ tall bisexual millionaire, I find these trends completely disheartening.

  17. Savannah says:

    I find it interesting that of all the stats, the one with the most comments, both negative and positive but more negative, is the bisexual thing.

  18. Poly-amorous says:

    Haha oh my fellow females are funny.
    I am mostly straight. I enjoy cuddling with women naked and I like their anatomy from the waist up so I’m not really bi or straight. Can’t really even say I’m bi-curious because I’m not curious anymore, I’ve tried women. These are things that may come up in conversation and I don’t expect Okcupid to have such detailed and specific lable for my sexual orientation. I don’t feel left out or that they are being sexist etc. etc. In fact I could rant about how they don’t have the option “Kinkster” or Fetishist but I don’t cause I am not a whiner lol

  19. Deb says:

    I’m just sad so many people believe they need to lie to find love…

  20. angel says:

    I think that Ok Cupid should create a separate website for all of the above trends, this way all of them would find each other without limitations.

    Leave the straight people on a separate website. It will be easier.

  21. Kris says:

    While I *maybe* can agree with the notion of pansexualism being included in a dating site (I mean, how else are you going to signal you’re looking for a transsexual?) are you really serious about ASEXUAL?

    Call me crazy and old fashioned and promulgating outdated gender stereotypes, but I’m pretty sure romantic love/relationships and being interested in sex is pretty inexorably tied. If you’re looking for platonic relationships, isn’t that what Facebook is for?

    At some point this whole, “EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND WE SHOULD HAVE N DISCRETE GROUPS FOR ALL OF THEM” gets a little impractical.

    Then again, maybe it’s how you could be the ultimate ironic hipster. Asexual. On a dating site. It’s like being Amish on Facebook.

  22. Morgan Hart says:

    I list as bi because you don’t offer a queer option. Listing myself as strictly gay would feel like an insult to the transmasculine or genderqueer identified people I’ve been involved with.

  23. soldari says:

    while it’s unfortunate some people lie about these things, i must say that these are some of the stats i look at, how tall they are, and do they make enough to buy me a drink, and are they interested in women. so it’s nice to know i can cut two inches off the top and deduct 20% of their income and that i have an about 70% chance of actually being of a gender any bisexual person actually considers interest for. thanks ok cupid for making stats fun!

  24. vswoman11 says:

    I have to agree that most people lie alot about themselves and hope they dont get caught, truth is, everyone gets caught eventually. Its sad, because like so many people, there are not alot of choices to meet people these days. especially the 40+ generation its disheartening to think you found someone great only to find out, they have lied about so many things, oh and yes men who say they are taller, i meet them and yes they are much shorter in person, WHY? is it such a big deal? I havent found anyone who is worth dating, let alot meeting, its all lies, and Its why im deciding its best that I NOT LOOK anymore, there is just too much moral decay. I prefer that If im going to find love, Love is going to have to find me, and not on any Dating Website, Ive tried them all, and always end up broken. And Women are just as bad as Men.

  25. Brody says:

    I have noticed that a lot of the bisexual girls I have talked to on here have actually listed themselves as “gay” so they wont get as many creepy/perverted messages that they claim they get when they have their profile listed as bisexual.

  26. Tamra says:

    These are statistical facts based on the data okc collects. Why, YOU, personally, message who you do, when you do or in what fashion doesn’t really matter… you’re just a slice of the statistic. God, people are fuckin’ stupid.

  27. Mark says:

    Can i be honest? Call me bigotted, but I’m intimidated by the bi label. I feel like the person won’t be as into me as if she were straight. I feel like you have to be the artsy type in order to attract a bi, and I’m not that. I have little success interacting with bi people on okcupid. I’m not surprised that only 23% of them actually message both sexes. I don’t understand my bigotry, but just recognize that for reasons I’m not real clear on, I am turned off by a bi label on okcupid and believe it would be next to impossible for anything to come from it. I’m sure I’d have no problem meeting bi people in person as I’m not a bigotted person in general. Just have never attracted a bi and rarely am attracted by one in the online forum.

  28. Rory says:

    I agree with Rose and Emily. OKC is in dire need of “pansexual” and “asexual” options.

  29. RapidTwitch says:

    I am a bisexual female. I have been with – and enjoy being with – both men and women. However, at this point in my life, I’m more interested in developing a relationship with a man.

    The predominant sex(es) of the people that a bisexual individual is talking to does not necessarily indicate their sexuality. My sexuality is not changed by the fact that I’m looking for a man. And if a woman came along that I really liked, I wouldn’t be adverse to entering into a relationship with her. My current preference does not determine what I am attracted to overall.

    I think that the section of this article addressing bisexuality was interesting, but did not take very many variables into account.

  30. Pheobe says:

    I’m bisexual and I only message other womans for two main reaons: first I have a boyfriend, and he doesnt mind if i have something with a girl, so I’m in the ‘available’ group. And the second reason is that is way easier for me to meet guys in real life, so even if i’d be single, i’d message mostly girls.

  31. Arvin says:

    It`s stunning how most of women I browse have BISEXUAL on their profile … maybe that`s to show they are open minded and cool … but hey people please be real :)

  32. romysready says:

    I was chatting with a “bisexual” user for about a week via messages. We elevated to IM’s at the end of that week, and when I brought up the alleged bisexuality, asking her, “what’s up with the bisexual thing,” she got very offended and abruptly ended our chat. I haven’t messaged a bisexual since.

  33. Mike says:

    In regards to taller women getting fewer messages: I find when I click on a profile of a woman 5’8″ or taller, she usually states that she is interested only in tall men, usually 2″ or more taller than herself. I talk that serious if I don’t meet her height requirement.

  34. mangoyumyum says:

    Ok, so as a 6 ft. woman (yes, really!) I can say that I know that I intimidate people. I hear it all the time, once I get to know someone. People- get over it! Ask me out-jk!

    As far as the bisexuality debate goes, I think it’s presumptuous to assume that people are calling themselves bi to be cool. OkCupid really needs to expand the sexual orientation section- it’s outrageously outdated. Hello- QUEERS!!! And, as far as that goes, for people of the female gender who identify as queer / gay / bi, etc. I think it would be helpful to have an option of saying whether one is butch or femme. I find it really hard to meet femme ladies who are into femmes, unless of course I am at a gay bar- but I am here, online, it should be easier!

    For a while, I mostly checked out women on here because I had a male partner. But now I am single and messaging both men and women.

  35. Anne Marie says:

    The bi issue:

    I think that might be skewed by the fact that bisexual women still expect to be approached by men, but expect to approach women and the same goes for men. Well, fewer men would be expected to be approached by men because they know there is some stigma against bisexual men in the gay community, but that may be balanced out by intimidation of approaching gay men when they have those expectations. I would also like to point out that sexuality is on a sliding scale and bisexual people may be attracted to one gender much more often, but be open to relationships with people of either gender.

  36. zephyr8blue says:

    no need to take it personally… if you understand the data you have to understand its impossible to prescribe one thing for every single person… its looking at a trend.

  37. ruse-amen says:

    Tom: You invited me to the flame war and I found my matches.

    Rose pointed out that the article implies bisexual identification is (potentially) a lie. How is that not “taking away my sexuality”?

    The fact that the url contains “the-biggest-lies-in-online-dating” has nothing to do with the statistics discussed, and those statistics don’t lend magical authority that forces us to accept the implied social norms at issue. By pointing out and discussing the coincidence in choice of language with topic matter, we all benefit.

    Why do you assume Rose “takes it personally”? What does that mean? Are you taking her comment personally? She’s also “taking it publicly”, and in my book taking a public stand to point out implicit yet harmful social norms is admirable.

    Your mock voicing of being criticized for sexism is “poisoning the well”. Look it up on wikipedia if you want to level up on flame wars (or generally help make the world more betterer).

    I’m curious about why you mock complaints about sexism, because I see that kind of reaction frequently and if I could understand its source I’d be a more effective advocate of feminism and queer progress. Can you recall experiences which may have contributed to your sentiment?

    Also, I don’t have much faith in your anecdotal generalization of women. In my experience (which hasn’t been sufficiently statistically analyzed ;-) there’s no discernable difference in the variation or sensitivity on what sexuality means across gender.

  38. Charles says:

    The 76 cents that a woman makes compared to men is not based on the same work. It is based on W2s and in includes comparing part-time receptionists with construction workers putting in overtime.

  39. Alexander says:

    This article makes everybody out to be complete liars. You are assuming that everybody on an online dating site exaggerates every single thing about themselves. In my personal experience of meeting people from these sites, the opposite has been true and I have a few buddies on these sites and they don’t exaggerate either. Your section of “Here’s a recent pic”, while partially true, simply relies on the comedic assumption that the people meeting each other will be the opposite of what their picture looks like, and again, that is not true. What a bullshit article this is.

  40. Baz says:

    Very interesting article.. It’s a shame more people in the comments’ box don’t seem to be open-minded enough to understand the idea of an “objective” study.

    I’m always astonished how many people throw words into the “gay community’s” mouth, as I’m openly gay in a very gay city, and never see any of these problems at all. Maybe some of these mouthy commenters should stop drawing assumptions about others based on how THEY identify (ex: assuming I won’t date someone who’s bi, because I’m gay and the ‘gay community’, whatever that is, and their gosh-darn ‘gay agenda’… again whatever that is…. say that I shouldn’t.) Then people will want to date them. Stop victimizing yourselves, nobody wants to date a victim.

  41. Lex says:

    Most of your statements seems false. The big lies people tell in online dating, are relative to their personalities not the general crowd. Some people are truthful because they intend to meet people off of okcupid and don’t want to cause problems right off the bat. I’m 6 Foot 3 Inches in real life, my profile says the same thing, if you want I’d be happy to take a picture next to measuring tape. It’s about peoples personalities and if they’re actually truthful or not. Don’t rip on the whole crowd for the few people you may have interviewed or some info you have gathered. How do you know the statistics you collected were actually true?

  42. EelKat says:

    I found this very interesting as, in my searching, I found a local guy I’ve known for years, and his profile lists him as 6’4″, aged 45, with a $200k+ income, and shows a photo of himself which is over 20 years old!

    FACT: He is 6’2″ not 6’4″.

    FACT: he is 62 years old not 45.

    FACT: he is unemployed and living on welfare checks with less than $20k income.

    I confronted him on this, told him I’d run across his account and asked why he had lied about this stuff. He said he was looking for a girl in the 18 – 25 age range and that she would not want him if he told the truth about himself.

    I was very disappointed in him for doing this. I would want a man to be honest and up front with me, right from the beginning: right from the first time I saw his profile.

    I’m honest on mine, granted I suppose it makes me less desirable, but than again, those that would dump me for those flaws are men I would not want to spend time with any ways seeing how they would cross me off on something as silly as height, age, or income!