Exactly What To Say In A First Message

September 14th, 2009 by Christian Rudder


Ok, here’s the experiment. We analyzed over 500,000 first contacts on our dating site, OkCupid. Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant. The result: a set of rules for what you should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself. Online dating advice at its best. Let’s go:

Rule 1
Be literate

Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs. Our negative correlation list is a fool’s lexicon: ur, u, wat, wont, and so on. These all make a terrible first impression. In fact, if you count hit (and we do!) the worst 6 words you can use in a first message are all stupid slang.

Language like this is such a strong deal-breaker that correctly written but otherwise workaday words like don’t and won’t have nicely above average response rates (36% and 37%, respectively).

Interesting exceptions to the “no netspeak” rule are expressions of amusement. haha (45% reply rate) and lol (41%) both turned out to be quite good for the sender. This makes a certain sense: people like a sense of humor, and you need to be casual to convey genuine laughter. hehe was also a successful word, but much less so (33%). Scientifically, this is because it’s a little evil sounding.

So, in short, it’s okay to laugh, but keep the rest of your message grammatical and punctuated.

Rule 2
Avoid physical compliments

Although the data shows this advice holds true for both sexes, it’s mostly directed at guys, because they are way more likely to talk about looks. You might think that words like gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. As we all know, people normally like compliments, but when they’re used as pick-up lines, before you’ve even met in person, they inevitably feel…ew. Besides, when you tell a woman she’s beautiful, chances are you’re not.

On the other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:

The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. As an adjective, it’s a physical compliment, but as an adverb (as in, “I’m pretty good at sports.”) it’s is just another word.

When used as an adverb it actually does very well (a phenomenon we’ll examine in detail below), but as pretty‘s uses become more clearly about looks, reply rates decline sharply. You’re pretty and your pretty are phrases that could go either way (physical or non-). But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out.

Rule 3
Use an unusual greeting

We took a close look at salutations. After all, the way you choose to start your initial message to someone is the “first impression of your first impression.” The results surprised us:

The top three most popular ways to say “hello” were all actually bad beginnings. Even the slangy holla and yo perform better, bucking the general “be literate” rule. In fact, it’s smarter to use no traditional salutation at all (which earns you the reply rate of 27%) and just dive into whatever you have to say than to start with hi. I’m not sure why this is: maybe the ubiquity of the most popular openings means people are more likely to just stop reading when they see them.

The more informal standard greetings: how’s it going, what’s up, and howdy all did very well. Maybe they set a more casual tone that people prefer, though I have to say, You had me at ‘what’s up’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

Rule 4
Don’t take it outside

Obviously, all successful OkCupid relationships outgrow our in-site messaging feature. But an offer to chat or of an email address right off the bat is a sure turn off. One of the things online dating has going for it is its relative anonymity, and if you start chipping away at that too early, you’ll scare the other person off.

Also, don’t ask for or give away a cell number (10%). I thought that was a no-brainer.

Rule 4
Bring up specific interests

There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie, band, tattoo, literature, studying, vegetarian (yes!), and metal (double yes!) that are all clearly referencing something important to the sender, the recipient, or, ideally, both. Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. We’re presenting just a smattering: in fact every “niche” word that we have significant data on has a positive effect on messaging.

Even more effective are phrases that engage the reader’s own interests, or show you’ve read their profile:

Rule 5
If you’re a guy, be self-effacing

Awkward, sorry, apologize, kinda, and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages. As we mentioned before, pretty, no doubt because of its adverbial meaning of “to a fair degree; moderately” also helps male messages. A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.

It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. But either way: men should be careful not to let the appearance of vulnerability become the appearance of sweaty desperation: please is on the negative list (22% reply rate), and in fact it is the only word that is actually worse for you than its netspeak equivalent (pls, 23%)!

Rule 6
Consider becoming an atheist

Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion. We know that’s going to piss a lot of people off, and we’re more or less tongue-in-cheek with this advice, but it’s what the numbers say.

These are the religious terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often (342 times per 10,000 messages, second only to 552 mentions of christian and ahead of 278 for jewish and 142 for muslim).

Though very few people actually do it, invoking the sky-breaking thunderbolts of zeus does help a person get noticed (reply rate 56%), but maybe that shouldn’t be a surprise on a site that is itself named for a member of the Classical pantheon. So if you can’t bring yourself to deny the deity, consider opening yourself up to a whole wacky bunch of them. But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing. It can help your love life, and, besides, if there really was a god, wouldn’t first messages always get a reply?

A word about user privacy on OkCupid

Though this post talks in detail about the content of people’s messages on OkCupid, all messages have been anonymized, with sender and recipient data and all IP and timestamp information stripped out. In addition, our analysis program looked at messages only two or three words at a time, to track the success of certain words or phrases (like “what’s up” vs. “wats up”). The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data. No one at OkCupid read any actual user messages to compile this post.

523 Responses to “Exactly What To Say In A First Message”

  1. Dallas Dating says:

    It looks like you broke Online Dating down?
    I believe it is possible to find highly compatible matches using online methods.

  2. Anonymous human being says:

    You know the whole “hey what’s up?” greeting is not useful in a message. It works in person because it leads to an immediate response which can lead to a conversation. In the cyber and message realm it is pointless. You do not get any response and kind of floats out there awkwardly. I bypass the whole greeting on first message. The only choice left is “To Whom It May Concern” and “Dear, (insert Alias)” which sounds too formal like a business letter. I have to say I get not traffic at all and feel like I am a leper in this online society. It is no easier then trying to spark a conversation with a complete stranger at the grocery market or coffee shop. You have to have an act and looks to pull it off. I have done the research and since I am no cream of the crop I fall short every time. I am familiar to it so no damage done there. Looks count and no matter how witty and if you have all the things a woman is looking for if there is no fire under her seat when she views your picture then you are ShT of a luck. What can you do but move on and receive the same treatment and repeat the process over again. It really is a difficult task to connect with a human. The monks have the right idea, live in solitude and become one with the earth and spirits.

  3. pax says:

    Your logic is terribly flawed under 4: don’t try to take it outside. The fact that the response rate is lower when you try to go outside of okcupid is a perfect example of corellation =/= causation. Indeed those two things are correlated, but it could easily (and almost certainly is) explained away by the fact that there’s no need to reply over okcupid when you have a more personal way of contacting that person. It stands to reason that the next communication would be over email/phone/im. Certainly some of the time somebody backs out when someone tries to get more personal too fast, but not all of the time, and you have no way of measuring who called someone after getting their celly #.

  4. Teen Dating Advice says:

    I’m really surprised by the tip that if you’re a guy, be self-effacing. As you say most people say that you want to portray a high level of confidence. I wonder if online this confidence looks more like cockiness?

  5. Steave Thomason says:

    Rather cool site you’ve got here. Thanks the author for it. I like such topics and everything that is connected to this matter. BTW, try to add some photos :).

  6. Sandi says:

    Personally, I reply to every reasonable message. I am here to seriously find someone and how am I going to unless I give them the chance? I am honest in my profile, pictures, and replies. To me, an online profile is a 2 dimensional snapshot of a person. I want to get to know the 3 dimensional real person, and maybe fall in love. What I don’t get, is when on Quickmatch, you rate each other 4 or 5 stars, then you wink at them, and nothing….. I mean, what is with that? Or people who get on a dating site and say they are not willing to meet someone in person? Huh? Anyway, good luck to everyone on finding your true match!
    Cheers,
    Sandi

  7. Terri Lockerridge says:

    Before anyone goes out into the population of single men and women who are in their 40′ and 50′s, they need to take some time alone and figure out just who they are at this era of their lives.
    To take the time to learn who that person really is, and what that person wants truly from a relationship… and what they do not want in a relationship… is the most important factor to eventually having a lasting and quality partnership with another person.
    It is one of the most difficult things to do, that I have ever faced, personally. To be honest with yourself, and know that what your used to, with someone else is not who you really are. You changed somewhere duing the years with another partner into someone whose personality has been altered to get along in that relationship. It is a normal thing to adapt to getting along with someone you live with and love. No one is immune to this alteration of their personality. If you can’t change a bit to give someone you love a more comfortable, secure feeling about you… then your relationship is doomed.

    Most people alter their own basic personality to reflect the thoughts and influences of other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions,
    their lives are not their own, we mimic what we know others want us to be like.
    We want to be liked, we want to make other people happy, so we all agree to things that we really don’t care for.. but not enough to put up a fuss to get our way all the time.. in short we compromise and sacrifice somethings we are not so passionate about to be able to make our partners more flexible when an issue comes up we are very passionate about.

    Learn your passions.. and never let them be simply a quotation of anothers passion in their life. This is the only lifetime your going to be given.. so live it being yourself.

    Be who and how you are, not whom and how someone whats you to be. If someone likes the fact that your wanting to be what they wish you to be.. this is one of the largest indicators, of one person taking always and the other giving always and the role will never reverse. It will become intolerable for both of them. No one is really happy with someone they do not respect, nor are they happy being treated as the doormat.
    This comes with a mild warning also… don’t become a “my way or the highway” personality either, if you do then you have become too self absorbed and that will be miserable for everyone, including yourself.

    Learn to pick your battles, and taking the time to know what your passions are, gives you the tools you need to recognize those things, and the knowledge of when you can flex and give a little way to make someone else happy.

    God thought you special enough to bring you to life, and don’t ever forget the significance and worth, this truth, brings to you.

  8. Handsomgeek79 says:

    This is from a mans perspective.

    So many people are taking tips and drawing the conclusion that they must use all of them to get a response. Think of it as creative writing that you’d like to get published. There are certain things that increase your chance of a rejection letter. Using an opening like “It was a dark and stormy night” is considered bad. Also using weak phrases like “real pretty”. Metaphors tend to hold up better than similes. Grammar is important and avoiding run on sentences. There are certain genres that are more popular at times and it fluctuates. Should you compromise what you really love writing just because its popular?

    Can a good writer break some rules and get published? Absolutely. Can a bad writer just get lucky, yes. Has truly great work gotten rejected over and over? All this was is odds. There’s still the die role. Maybe the woman had a bad day or a fight and doesn’t want to deal with men right now.

    The most important thing is to remember is that women are people (I’m stating this since most the crass rebuttles where from men) try to gauge her personality and if she interests you then talk about her interests. It just makes sense. All the tips were generalizations. You have to be able to read her and adapt your style.

    An example, including hardcore atheism in a letter to a devout Christian is probably going to hurt your response. But unless you’re superficial, write to people that share the things which are important to you.

    Have fun and enjoy the art of writing.

  9. Dave Taylor says:

    Fascinating stuff. Do you have any correlation between the *length* of a message and the chance of a response being sent? How about scoring them against a standardized readability index and doing the same correlation? (see readability.info if you don’t know how to calculate readability indices). What about time of day and chance of response? Lots of ways you can slice this data!

  10. Murphy says:

    Just found this blog, love it.

    I disagree with your conclusions on Rule 4. In fact I disagree that that was worth looking into in the first place. No one seriously cares what greeting someone uses. It doesn’t affect the reply rate.
    The correlation is most likely due to the fact that people who just say ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ are just writing short messages like ‘hi, you’re sexy, message me back babz.’ Where as people who start with ‘Whats up?’ are likely to be launching into a long speech.

    I’m also interested in how message length relates to response rate.

  11. Peggy Jenkins says:

    When meeting a person for the first time, It is a good idea to do your homework and learn as much about them beforehand. If you are looking for a love interrest, check out to see if your enterrests are the same or if thier ideas are something you are willing to explore to see if you genuinely have a chance of a true love relationship with.

    Life is too short to not have love and companionship in your life. Everybody needs to be happy with the one they’re with.

  12. sean carberry says:

    i would like to joun your culb but i really dont know if i should do it

  13. Adam says:

    One important thing missing from here….subject lines!!!! What I’d REALLY like to see is how effective witty subject lines are against putting just “hi” as the subject. I spend aaaageeesss thinking up funny subject lines to catch a girl’s attention (and some of them make me cringe when I look back on them the next day) but I want to know how much this really adds.

  14. pal_taco4u says:

    How’s it going? Sorry, Zeus, god of thunder, kind of commands all you tatooed zombified athiests in metal bands to look up my profile and awkwardly tell me about your favorite movies. I’m curious that you’ll notice to mention your good taste.

  15. Mark says:

    How’s it going? I think your name is awesome. Sorry for being kinda awkward but I noticed that you mention in your profile that you’re an atheist vegetarian zombie with no tattoos and couldn’t help but think – and I apologize for saying this – that you probably have pretty good taste. What are your favorite movies? Are you interested in physics, video games or literature? How about grad school? I’m curious what you’d think about starting a metal band with me. — Christian Jewish Muslim Allah Jesus, Mark

  16. paula says:

    I was reading your rules for dating and as you expected, I was offended by your sixth rule. I’m sorry for you that you have never had the privilege of knowing God or understanding the people who believe in God.It is sad to know there are narrow minded people who choose to judge someone for believing in levels of life ,which may not be familiar to everyone. Apparently,unlike you, we have had the option of knowing both sides of the coin and of objectively studing both points of view. Whereas, you obviously have not taken the time to actually research the possibility of God. As evidenced by your naive comment about “if there really was a God we wouldn’t need a dating service.” It is shallow to think God should control us like we are nothing more than wooden headed puppets. God in his infinite wisdom, and higher intelligence would never force his will upon anyone. He allows us to decide for ourselves,who we want to date and if we want to follow him. It would be pointless to pretend God doesn’t exist just to get a date!

  17. Michael says:

    Ever hear anything about SCIENCE?? we use what is called the EMPIRICAL method of determining the probability of a concept.
    Essentially, if it can’t in some way be measured, it isn’t very probable –like the small green being that is standing behind you that someone else can see but can’t in any way prove the existance of . They claim it’s clearly there but can’t measure it’s existance it in ANY way!

  18. best cruise price says:

    Amazing info and wonderful style you have here! I would really like to thank you for sharing your thoughts and time into the things you post!! Keep the good work.

  19. Ashley says:

    HAH – Mark, you’re funny. We should date. (L)

  20. PsyKoesis says:

    I’d like to take this opportunity to give a big “FUCK YOU” to everyone complaing about their relationships. In every seemingly bad situation you find yourself in… the only person you can blame is yourself.

  21. ascentioner says:

    Dear OkCupid Statisticians !

    I litteraly LOVE your analysis and find it very helpful, HOWEVER…
    as I am an Econometrician I can’t refrain from wondering about the following:

    Don’t you think that by revealing what the data says, you explicitely introduce a biais in your estimations ? Think of an endogenous relationship emerging from people’s adptation to your advices… then as the site grows, your sayings gains in consistency over time.
    In other words, you are creating your results.
    The happy burden of finding all the Instrumental variables you will soon require is all yours now… unless you want to give me a job: I would love to have a grasp at your data ;0)

    Sincerely,
    Ascentioner.

  22. goldenmrj says:

    Articles like this ruin chemistry. At least they’re helping me filter out real people from fake. As long as a message is understood then why should a first message be like an essay from class? Now that’s ew and yuck covered in shit sauce. The only reason any guy would follow this advice is to improve their chances of getting in a girls pants. The very reason you’re using this to filter out creeps. You’re getting nothing but creeps by isolating the demographic. It’s real easy to use correct grammar but since when is it sexy? I’d like to know when and why in GOD’s green earth (I’m not religious) you have disillusioned yourselves to think this. How about being yourself despite how someone might judge you. How about getting your head out of your ass before you judge someone based on how they use the alphabet.

  23. Lisa says:

    Ahh…I get it now…it’s the atheist, zombie people who have tatoos and are in a metal band who have to use dating services.

  24. Max says:

    Hypothesis for rule 6: All the hardcore religious people are on eHarmony.

  25. Wendy says:

    I think Max has it right. That’s at the very least the impression they give off.

  26. Claire says:

    Great article!! I find nothing more annoying than some guy I don’t know calling me a “cutie”! For all you singles, I am assuming most of us commenting on this are, check out this $1000 Dream Date Contest. You could win $1000 for your next date! http://bit.ly/b8MTLy

  27. Dating says:

    Yes you can start with anything. important that your messages have been considered and are adequate. but in general there are many benefits for the seduction of saim professionals. I now try and spend their classroom at a dating site. advise to you.

  28. kevmo1967 says:

    my next e-mail is going to be this:

    How’s it going?

    I noticed the you mention in your profile that you like(insert subject here). I’m not sure if it is Cupid’s arrow or the thunderbolts of Zeus, but something about your profile made me curious about you. I’m sorry if it seems too forward ,but i would like to know what kinds of things interest you. Are you into zombie movies, and metal bands? Perhaps you are the vegetarian grad school sort of person?

  29. ksdjfk says:

    Articles like this ruin chemistry. At least they’re helping me filter out real people from fake. As long as a message is understood then why should a first message be like an essay from class? Now that’s ew and yuck covered in shit sauce. The only reason any guy would follow this advice is to improve their chances of getting in a girls pants. The very reason you’re using this to filter out creeps. You’re getting nothing but creeps by isolating the demographic. It’s real easy to use correct grammar but since when is it sexy? I’d like to know when and why in GOD’s green earth (I’m not religious) you have disillusioned yourselves to think this. How about being yourself despite how someone might judge you. How about getting your head out of your ass before you judge someone based on how they use the alphabet.

  30. Ronald says:

    It’s the same as good copy text writing in advertising! To engage the reader is the key.

  31. Babushka Tony says:

    Hello, my name is Tony. I took notice that you have small balls, it’s interesting to find someone who honestly admits that. How does one take pride in life when they have small balls? I’m sorry if this message finds you off guard. You mention you are atheist, I’m very fascinated by your outlook. Would you like to go gay bashing with me? I’ve heard it’s better than cow tipping! This may come across awkward but do you wear panties or boxers? I heard panties help hold the balls better, it could improve your size. Well, I must get going, the church bell rang and it’s sloppy joe night this evening. I would take pleasure in hearing your response. Farewell!!

  32. bigdaddydisclock says:

    Nice redundancy……….jfk……………Keep me postponed & let me know if i can b of any resistance

  33. Michael says:

    Another brilliant article from the OKC guys. As the saying goes… “Science. It works, bitches.”

    I’ve been living for almost 5 months now with a girl I met off OKC, and it’s awesome. I think I may invite the site founders to the wedding, if it ever comes to that.

  34. Lollapalooza says:

    I took kevmo1967′s template, and now I’m rolling in chicks.
    Thanks Kevmo!

  35. Taln SG says:

    This should be a link immediately after regsitration!

    I appreciate the comment about guys suing the word cutie. I don’t know a woman over the age of 18 that finds that word complimentary. Its is appropriate for young children, nto adults.

    Even worse is something I get frequently on other sites and now have encountered here. Do not call a woman you have never met “dearie”, “honey” or any other term of endearment. It goes over very badly. I would describe it as presumptuous and disrespectful, but I don’t know if most other women bother to even analyze why their walls go up as soon as they encounter it. Even in the deep south, where such terms of affection used to be common in everyday conversation it is no longer acceptable.

  36. gael says:

    These concluions are true not for online dating in general. They are true for OKcupid users. As an exemple, OKcupid girls are a lot more nerdish/geeky/well read/opened/less superficial/more likely to be atheist/more likely to be polyamorous or vegan/more likely to care about good grammar.. well even more likely to know good grammar that a girl in another dating site… Of course they don’t want to be complimented on their superficial qualities. If i meet a nerdy or just brain oriented girl in a hipsterish bar, I wont pick her up the same way as a superficial girl that I meet in a cheesy night club. On another dating site, I just post a few very good looking pictures of me and just write “hey sexy how r u” (no need to complete the profile at all) and I get answered more than 80% of the time, and usually very enthusiastically. When I watched the profiles at Okcupid, i knew right away that If I was diong the same here, I wouldnt get that much good reactions. Even my picturse have to be less douchebagish here, so that nerdish don’t disqualify me as a stupid superficial guy who hasn’t read one book in his life…

  37. Sarah says:

    I’m not surprised at the results for the physical compliments. Any girl who wants a relationship with a good guy should feel better about compliments directed toward your personality, not your looks. No one wants a guy that seems like all he really noticed on your profile was your pretty eyes, or lower than that. O_O I would rather know that a guy noticed something I wrote on my profile and was interested in that.

  38. Jason says:

    OK here is the perfect email according to your data.

    How’s it going? Your profile is pretty fascinating and awesome. Sorry I don’t like the metal bands that you like, but I’m an atheist. Haha!

    Hehe

  39. Anonymous says:

    And here I would think I hate self-effacing men.

    I wonder if I really don’t.

  40. succulentcactus says:

    One reason I got on here is to find more like-minded people on things that are important to me that I can find quite as quickly or easily in everyday life. One of those intangible things is being non-religious (ideally atheist-agnostic, but safer bet is atheist). So, even if they’re super attractive physically, and have awesome profile and qualities, I still cannot bring myself to message them. If I wanted another Christian friend I could go to the church my mother goes to and meet someone at one of their social functions. If there were atheist or agnostic churches or functions, it would make me less likely to come to a site like okC. “…atheistic churches..” haha. Good job okC for reporting that and letting me know there’s more atheists on here that I had thought! lol.

  41. Brummelbrow says:

    so wait a minute. are you trying to say I’m on THE WRONG SITE for meeting someone? well, if these girls are interested in nerdish atheist guys who don’t want sex, then I’ll just head back to utherverse where potential prospects seem to love the real me, which I also try to be on here as well. (minus the sex… of course)

  42. Natedog says:

    I love this website and these statistical trends. Even though, I disagree with the writers opinions on there not being a God just like his politics, I can appreicate the depth of research he went to. This is not a formulation for being someone else to get a female because no matter how you write an opening the woman will never email you back if there is no physical chemistry. Good job!! I love this site!

  43. Joseph Bolden says:

    Let me get this straight.
    I don’t have to net/cyber write just write like I’ve been educated?
    Works for me. But as for being too explicit I am guilty of that
    probably because I wanted to be honest after all I’m not in a club/bar
    where you had to dance great, dress look great, and ask women to dance.

    Oh, in groups if you ask groups of women or friends to dance and they all
    say no – its like a multiple perfecta of rejection way beyond 3 strikes and
    your out. I’ve never stayed in bars past two to see if I could snag any lady
    too smashed to think or move. I may try that, it also helps that I don’t drink.

    Another reason to go to pure Adult sites for less dance on more in double
    backed beast in bed (I’m just cutting out the energy dance takes from you
    and placing it where it should be to bed, in bed, and afterwards, more bed.

    This really freakin’ works for me and women comply or they’d still be in bars
    avoiding men getting drinks spilled on them like the popular pink song.

  44. PD aka zipstrip says:

    LOL great info? my profile clearly shows me as an atheist, just never met the god dude and I am unwilling to take some one else`s word for it. I do wonder when some one contacts me with a handle like devout christian, religious fanatic or in their profile they list god as the most important thing in their life. To me it always sounds like they already have a partner that they will put ahead of me.

    I am not opposed to some difference in views and opinions from a partner, I am not looking for a female clone. We don`t have to agree on everything, just respect the differences. I will not attend church, just my view that it would belittle your belief in it, and I have no interest in you belittling my beliefs.

    Waz up? how`s it going? hola? older, hello, hi work for me, ya we fought a revolution for the right to butcher the kings English, but it is nice to talk on the same level.

    A picture may or may not make you beautiful, mine is current as of last year, I reserve the right to form my own opinion if we should get to a meeting point. All is not as it may seem?

    A some what proper and honest profile can make you interesting enough to meet. I do meet people in real life though that I also have no romantic interest in, so it is just an option. Dishonesty means failure to me though, be yourself and be content with that. Not looking for perfect, just perfect for me.

    Divorced x2, I have played daddy, banker, teacher, and been a shoulder to cry on to two women that have had issues, and always will. Not looking for a do over, show me you have made an attempt to stand on your own feet.

    Certain terms in a profile scare me, there are things we would all like to do, there are things we all want. I am comfortable with what I have and can honestly attain. How did some of you ladies do the things you list as likes? With some one else providing the financing? Picking up the tabs for it? A constant trail of debt? No thought or planning for the future? I want it now? no clear view of reality?

    My income is accurate and listed, I know what I can afford, LMAO and who I can`t, sometimes it is not cheaper to keep her! I don`t need high priced baggage, no matter how good it looks! For me this is not a numbers game, open and honest, and if you are not happy with yourself you would never be happy with me, because I don`t need you, I may love the right person, and I am looking, for a partner, for life.

  45. Susan says:

    Dang, I messed up big time with the comment I posted for your blog analyzing which users send, receive and reply regarding online messages. I forgot to delete my first attempt to explain my point so the (long ass) comment I sent is probably confusing. So, forget that but believe me when I say that I ABSOLUTELY AGREE with this blog and think that it should be mandatory reading.
    That other comment was about to be a whole lot longer because I was about to blab on about exactly what you are conveying in this blog. THANK YOU!

  46. Josh says:

    Did you guys eliminate outliers among your sample? I.E. did you get rid of people who get more emails than most (someone who receives an email like “you’re pretty” might be more likely to receive many emails, and thus might respond less often).

  47. kathy says:

    So by response rate is it correct to assume that a “please don’t write me again” response would count the same as “lets go out”? If so this study doesn’t really let you know what would be good to say, just what would prompt the person to hit the reply button at all.

  48. Arizona Glass says:

    As a former member of OKCupid, I now understand why the men I met on that site were so weird! They listened to this advice! Please don’t take this seriously. Just be yourself, if it’s meant to be, it will be. Relax.

  49. mba in delhi says:

    I am very poor in text messaging because i don’t know what kind of short messages i use to show my feelings. This problem always irritates me and i am working hard to resolve this issue.

  50. JoeyJoeJo says:

    Meant to be?!? Bollocks! Women are won through calculated manipulation!
    Study up, fellas! There’s ho’s to be plowed!