Gay Sex vs. Straight Sex

October 12th, 2010 by Christian Rudder

Gay issues have been in the news a lot lately, from the debate over same-sex marriage in Congress to a sickening rash of gay-bashing here in New York City. We see a lot of emotion out there, instead of information, and we wanted to provide some data-based context on sexuality so that people might make better choices about what they say, think, and do.

We run a massive dating site and therefore have unparalleled insight into sex and relationships. Here's what we've found, in numbers and charts.

First of all, gay sexuality is not a threat.

Gay people are not sexually interested in straights.

The subtext to a lot of homophobic thinking is the idea that gays will try to get straight people into bed at the first opportunity, or that gays are looking to "convert" straights. Freud called this concept schwanzangst; the U.S. Army calls it Don't Ask Don't Tell.

We combed through over 4 million match searches, and found virtually no evidence of it:

Match Search Returns
  • only 0.6% of gay men have ever searched for straight matches.
  • only 0.1% of lesbians have ever searched for straight matches.
  • only 0.13% of straight people's profile visitors are gay.
Furthermore
In our dataset, there was not a single gay user, male or female, who primarily searched for straight people.

Gay people aren't promiscuous.

Another common myth about gay people is that they sleep around, but the statistical reality is that gay people as a group aren't any more slutty than straights.

Median Reported Sex Partners
  • straight men: 6
  • gay men: 6
  • straight women: 6
  • gay women: 6

Here's how the distribution curves compare:

  • 45% of gay people have had 5 or fewer partners (vs. 44% for straights)
  • 98% of gay people have had 20 or fewer partners (vs. 99% for straights)

It turns out that a tiny fraction of gays have single-handedly two-handedly created the public image of gay sexual recklessness—in fact we found that just 2% of gay people have had 23% of the total reported gay sex, which is pretty crazy.

Straight people have gay sex, too.

Another inquiry that had unexpected results: we asked 252,900 straight people have you ever had a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex?

Almost a quarter answered 'yes'.

Click the airport-bathroom style icons to toggle the sex(es) displayed. Not unexpectedly, more women than men have had same-sex desires:

    straight women's same-sex desires:
  • 1 in 3 straight women has hooked up with another woman.
  • and of those who haven't, over 1 in 4 would like to.

As for straight men, a surprisingly high 13% have had a same-sex experience, and another 5% haven't yet but would like to.

Using the incredible power of computers, we were able to break down this question geographically. Here are straight people who either have had or would like to have a same-sex experience in the continental U.S. and lower Canada. You can see some sharp geographic divides.

Awesomely, the mountain West lives up to its Brokeback reputation, and Canada is orange nearly coast-to-coast. Even in the yellow and blue areas, you can see pockets of gay curiosity in interesting places: Austin, Madison, Asheville. Anywhere soy milk is served, basically.

Sidenote

Doing the research for this post, I came across many awful things our elected officials have said about gay people; here's a relatively calm example:

For starters, I found that a fun game to play with stuff like this is to replace the words "homosexual" and "gay" with "politician"—then you have something that's actually true.

I also spent a lot of time looking up match questions to debunk this particular claim. Down in the database I discovered one question with a surprising disparity, not between orientations, but between genders. Like Frodo to the Balrog, I wished I'd never unearthed it.

Come on, people. #facepalm.

Beyond Sex: Gay & Straight Personalities

More than just asking about specific desires and behaviors, our match questions are designed to tease out our users' underlying personalities. We've collected over 669 million answers from users so far. Below is a straight/gay comparison on 23 personality categories. You can mouse-over the ?s for each category to pop-up some examples of the many questions that affect it.

Two things: (1) The idea of the typical straight man as a kind bullying jock seems to be broadly true, though there is also a strong dork streak there, as well.

(2) Looking closely at the chart for females, we can improve upon Marx's famous dictum.

Religion is the opiate of the masses, so long as the masses are straight. However, amass a bunch of lesbians and you're going to need actual drugs.

In any event, a lot of these measured traits are reflected by the users' own words. Like we did before with race, we looked at the interests and tastes statistically unique to the different orientations, according to their personal profiles. We crunched millions of words of essay text and found the phrases most correlated to a particular sexual preference; again, these are the users' own words.

The Stuff Gay People Like

For both sexes, a lot of this stuff is way stereotypical. The size of the phrases indicate their relative popularity to the norm, and I actually had to shrink "The L Word" down to fit in our template. Meanwhile gay men's interests speak for themselves, evidently with an exaggerated lisp.

Compare those lists to their equally typical straight counterparts, below. It's like two zen koans, one by Meg Ryan, one by a viking:

The Stuff Straight People Like

As you can see, sexual orientation makes a huge difference in the words you choose to describe yourself. The small but enormous difference between lesbians' a girlfriend and straight women's my girlfriends says it all.

We extended this gay vs. straight analysis and for each orientation measured the frequencies of all one-, two-, and three-word phrases against the site-wide rates. Here's the breakdown:

There's no question that according to this analysis gay people are "different;" as you can see, gay interests and self-descriptions have little to do with the mainstream's. In fact what these numbers are saying is that the average gay person has only about 30% in common with the average American. But, ironically enough, when it comes to identity, it's hardly rare to be an outlier here. Adding an ethnic group to the plot helps put it in perspective:

Of course, as far as I know, no one's saying that Indians shouldn't get married or shouldn't be allowed to adopt children. The people of Louisiana even elected Bobby Jindal, an openly Indian man, as their governor!

We hope gay people can expect the same treatment very soon.

Adventurous

Would you consider trying food without being told what it is?

Would you consider permanently living in another country?

Would you ever get on a motorcycle?

Aggressive

Do you like to argue?

Have you ever yelled at the TV?

Do you go to great lengths to avoid conflict?

Ambitious

Would you be happy raising the kids while your spouse worked?

Which comes first for you, work or friends?

Do you want to be famous?

Artsy

Are you an aspiring actor/artist/writer or other creative type?

Do you like going to museums?

Do movies with subtitles bother you?

Compassionate

Is it your responsibility to help your fellow human beings?

Are you the type of person to tell a homeless person to get a job?

Do overweight people annoy you?

Competitive

Is it important to you to have the last word in an argument?

Do you like board games?

If someone wrongs you...do you eventually exact revenge?

Confident

Would you say you're smarter than average?

Are you okay with trying things that you're bad at?

Are you intimidated by a partner who is more sexually experienced than you?

Dorky

Do you think the International Space Station would be a cool place to get married?

Do you know what 'http' stands for?

Do you own any dice with more than six sides?

Generous

Do you give your best friend a birthday gift?

How much do you give each year to charity?

When you loan something small to a friend, do you really care if it gets returned?

Horny

How often do you think about sex?

How often do you masturbate?

Ideally, how many dates would you go on with someone before you have sex?

Into Drugs

What's your relationship to marijuana?

Do you think drug use with your partner can be a romantic activity?

Have you tried hard drugs, like, anything you need to 'cook'?

Into Sports

Do you play actual sports?

Do you enjoy exercise?

Do you have a favorite sports team, that you really like to follow?

Introverted

Does the idea of staying in and reading a book on a Friday night appeal to you?

Do you need "alone time" to re-charge after social situations?

At parties, do you go up and talk to people?

Kinky

Does group sex sound like a great idea?

Do you like sex toys?

Have you ever used nipple clamps?

Literary

Can you name an author from each continent (besides Antarctica)?

In high school, did you read books that weren't assigned in class?

Do spelling mistakes annoy you?

Optimistic

Do things generally turn out for the best?

Can just one person significantly change the world?

Do you think happiness is possible for all people?

Polite

Do you say something like 'bless you' when a stranger sneezes?

Do you hold the door for people?

Are you frequently under-dressed for special occasions?

Political

Have you ever marched in a protest?

Is it a person's civic duty to vote?

Do you know who your state's Senators are?

Romantic

Have you been around candlelight recently?

Do you like costume dramas?

Do you like to say 'I love you'?

Religious

Do you believe in the power of prayer?

Is there a God?

Do you believe in miracles? You sexy thing?

Spontaneous

Do you bring an umbrella if it looks like rain?

Do you often find yourself bored in relationships after a few months?

Have you ever had a one-night stand?

Trusting

Do you think most people give to charity?

Do you ever leave your drink unattended at a bar?

Do you think a straight man and a straight woman can truly just be friends?

Violent

Would you find it easier to kill for your beliefs or to die for them?

Have you ever thrown an object in anger during an argument?

Do you own a gun?

702 Responses to “Gay Sex vs. Straight Sex”

  1. Skylocke says:

    Though unrelated to the main point of the article, I just want to say that the Earth vs. Sun Question statistic makes me very sad. I found the article rather enlightening though!

  2. Patrick says:

    Live and let live :) Of all the stuff to be worrying about on a day to day basis why and how is this important at all?

    Funny thing is, if any of those charts are even remotely reflecting the real world accurately then strait people will sooner or later be the minority.

    Anyways, I’ve got more important things to do like meet people that “I” like and not worry about who to hate next. lol

  3. Nick says:

    OkCupid, that was definitely more educational than I thought it would be. Thanks for pushing awareness like that.

    Really liked the one comment I saw from Tim too… Basing impressions on a whole group of people based on the ones met in jail? Not a good sample-set, unless you’re trying to spin-doctor…

  4. Matthew says:

    I agree whole heartedly with this and Its pretty cool to see it all technically spoken through diagrams and such. Thank you for the effort put into this.

  5. Duckie says:

    This is fantastic! I love it :o)

    In the study, did you specifically look at straight men and women and gay men and women? Or were bisexuals included within the “gay” category?

  6. Zack says:

    Good work okcupid.

    First, you have brought together more happy couples than any other website, matchmaker, or method have ever known.

    Not only that, but now you are using your data for positive social change. Bravo!

  7. shay says:

    Talk about putting all those years of accumulated data to some good use. Well done.

  8. Gelinda McKee says:

    Wow! I greatly appreciate this article and hope to see many more like it in the near future. The analysis has proved very helpful to me in my work addressing teen mental health, stress management, depression, and suicide prevention within the public schools. Recently teachers have expressed concern over how to help teens deal with increasing gay/straight wars and sexual acting out to prove loyalty to their in-group, and your information gives me a great starting point to try tackling this issue within the classroom presentations. Fantastic, timely information. Do keep it coming!
    Take a bow,
    Gelinda :)

  9. Crystal says:

    To Jim: I happen to be a Bisexual. I also happen to be a virgin and have only been with one person intimately. And no I’m not bisexual because I “can’t choose” I simply find both sexes sexual attractive. I’m also not religious. I’m an Agnostic Theist but that’s as far as my view on religion goes. My lack of sexual experience is out of respect for myself. Being bisexual does not mean you’re more sexually active, confused and can’t choose, That is just as ignorant as Paul’s nonsense.

  10. Caciquer says:

    Thank You, OKCupid!

  11. anonymous says:

    Have you considered doing a follow-up article about bisexual stereotypes?

  12. Grace says:

    I’m yet another rather frustrated queer member of the Ok!Cupid community. Your website consistently operates as though gender and sexuality are both totally binary concepts. I know that for you will probably argue that this is for statistical purposes, but frankly, as a consumer, I don’t really care. Your website excludes by omission genderqueer, transgendered, genderfucked, intersexed people and many other colors of the rainbow. And you exclude people who count these folk as partners as well. And I don’t think that anyone should have to accept this just because these communities are not communities which constitute a majority.

    Ask how many women-identified folk who have sex with other women-identified folk actually use the word gay to describe themselves in their everyday life and you’d see another area where you are ignoring your queer folk’s needs some more. Life isn’t lived in the binary, and I promise you, if there is one thing that your data does point out, it is that people don’t fuck in the binary, so why does your website still make people prescribe to the binary?

    Also, I am slightly horrified by the clientele that you are attracting if you actually deal with such a myth like “conversion homophobia” so extensively that you have to collect data to disprove the theory. Did you ever stop to consider how utterly offensive to your “gay” users it is that you are dealing with myths out of the Stonewall era? And the fact that your article is written from the straight perspective, which is clear through the language of othering used in describing “them”- us gays– is just more isolating. This article is clumsy, about 20 years behind the curve, and demonstrates pretty clearly how much you are failing the queer community. Use this as a teaching moment. Recruit some more queer people to your staff so that you can be the queer-inclusive site of first choice rather than of last resort. People come here because of your size, your market share. Wouldn’t you rather have them coming because they actually feel well represented, understood, and supported? Your statistical sample is really poorly articulated because of the rather arbitrary distinctions you draw. Where are bisexuals? And where are all of the other LGBTQI… folk that you invisibilized for the purposes of drawing these rather inane conclusions?

    Also, the fact that the intro of the article, contextualizing the importance of “gay” issues right now doesn’t even mentioned the rash of queer kids who are killing themselves. Bullying is an issue everywhere, not just in New York.

    You are better than E-Harmony. You accept gay people. But this is Ally Week, and it’s time to ask yourself– are you actually being good allies to the queer community by the problematic categorizations on your website? Could you be doing things better to make people feel like they don’t need to compromise on this website? The answer, I hope, is an obvious “Yes”–one that I hope you will act upon soon.

  13. Zeromass says:

    Well, the earth is APPARENTLY bigger than the sun. The question doesn’t specify, which is why I didn’t answer that one.

    I’d say about five percent of men and ten percent of women are smart-asses.

  14. Jared says:

    Nice little article, though I was nearly lost when the author interjected his own personal opinion about “don’t ask, don’t tell,” into the first paragraph. The author claims to be shooting straight about an interesting topic using only a large database of factual information, yet makes it entirely clear that the article has the potentially to be morally sabotaged, vs. morally aloof. When presenting factual information about other peoples opinions, an author who is presenting a well-researched, unbiased article should steer clear of putting themselves in the data pool. If I were editing this article, that line would have been the first to go, as it overwhelms the latter, and infinitely more telling and interesting idea of schwanzangst.

  15. Steve C says:

    Grace, I think that you’re REALLY just looking to pick a fight. Honestly, genderfucked? What % of the population considers themselves genderfucked? You’re getting into semantics. This blog actually makes the piece more timeless as opposed to timely by not mentioning the suicides. You just need to calm down and take this for what it is: A really fascinating article that examines and breaks many false perceptions of sexuality. It may not go as deep into what you care about, but quite frankly that’s because no one gives a damn about what you mention as compared to the over-arching theme.

    OKTrends, I love reading your articles! Bravo! Though I do wonder: How safely can we say that all the profiles represent the societal norm? It’s easy to stick in “On OKCupid”, but are people generally normal on this site? Do they answer honestly? Is there bias in question answering to make themselves look better or just different?

  16. Grant says:

    @Grace

    They’re not 20 years behind the curve, they’re talking about now. I don’t know what world you live in but gays are currently fighting for recognition and rights. Maybe where you come from that happened 20 years ago. Stereotypes exist now and are very very strong against gays. What OKCupid is addressing is these very same stereotypes. Conversion homophobia does exist and it rampant.

  17. Garet says:

    This comment is directed at Grace. As a gay man, I have to voice the blunt opinion, “Get over it.” Every single website that involves social relationships does NOT have to come down with every single nuance of the gay populace. I will not use the term “community.” You take OK Cupid to task for not including a nuance that encompasses you.

    OK Cupid includes both gender and social orientations. It is simply impossible to include every single group that each person generates to identify how they perceive either their gender or sexual identity, and frankly, no website should be required to!

    In effect, your post was a blatant smacking of the hand. OK Cupid used their database to generate information compiled from their users to counter mainstream arguments and stereotypes. If they were “Stonewall Era” stereotypes, society would have already successfully repudiated them in the intervening forty years. Guess what? They haven’t.

    By ridiculing an attempt and taking your stance on the podium, you became part of the problem, not a part of the solution. Rather than a “Thank you for your time and energy,” you issued a “But you should have done more!” Your overall response was ungracious and rude. If the issue is so pertinent to you, rather than complain to OK Cupid, develop your own social site including all of your various criteria and distinctions demonstrating just how different every one of us is from one another rather than building greater social ties. Then, you can justify your own position when someone comes along who you did not consider and feels the need to take you to task.

    Have a nice day.

  18. Justin says:

    i just wanted to say that im bi…but im happily engaged to a woman and we’ve been together for almost 3 years. we have a beautiful baby boy together. but before i met her i was having casual sex with a couple guys for almost 5 years. both are enjoyable and i love both. in fact whats ironic (and perhaps weird) is that with a girl i enjoy being the dominant one and when im with a guy i enjoy being dominated. point is that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying either one and neither one should feel at all threatening.

  19. Matt Wilson says:

    Love this article!!! It was beyond facisanating seeing all in virtiual black and white, the ‘self’ found in the difference and similarites between the L, G, B, T, and S’s

  20. Liq says:

    Hah… Guess the douche that wrote this article has never been accosted by a gay man, begging to suck your penis.
    I have had two gay men do this, who knew me to be a heterosexual male prior to the incredibly awkward situation.

    Ever notice that almost all if not all of the articles (the handful I have read anyway) are completely against you if you are:

    1. Christian
    2. White
    3. Republican/Conservative

    I’m an open-minded guy, but realize that homosexuality isn’t just a fine and dandy thing.
    It’s gross to a lot of people and gay men are 8 times more likely to get a sexually transmittable infection.
    All gay people are not the same some are malicious just like some heterosexuals are.

    Somebody should fire the democrat piece of crap writing these rags or in the very least scold them
    for forcing their agendas on the impressionable people who read this and take it in.

  21. Seth says:

    Really interesting stuff. Thanks.

  22. AliVegan says:

    Brilliant. As a psychologist who has done a lot of professional research, I bow to your brilliance! :D

  23. paigecarmen says:

    This was extremely informative and well-written. YAY for GAY!

  24. Rose says:

    Were bisexuals users counted as being gay or straight, or were we not counted at all?

  25. Stephen Campbell says:

    The Sun vs. Earth thing is too much! It’s way too much. Like McEnroe says, “You can’t be serious!”

    I think you should do an article Questions participants should get right. Do you think women find that funny: that’s they answered that way just to be funny?

    Jim Dimint disgraces a clean shirt and tie.

    Given the high percentage of men who haven’t had a homosexual experience, I see how violent football and competition vs. cooperation have males falling behind females in society (except for distinguishing the size of moons and suns–and they want equal pay?).

  26. Isadore says:

    I was in the hot tub of a popular health club. I am a straight, married male, and a man told me he was gay, and he loves “turning straight men gay.” “How do you know you won’t like it until you try it?” he said. Then, he put his hand on my thigh, and said “Now don’t you like that even a little bit? I know a lot of married men that are secretly Gay.”

    If your statistics are accurate, then this gay man at the health club was statistically deviant, and not typical of most gay men. His boldness of “hitting on me” was akin to many straight men I have seen trying to get a date with “female hot-tubbers.” I believe that touching my leg went beyond the limits of appropriate behavior, the same as if straight men began rubbing the thigh of an uninterested, non-reciprocating female. We are there to “soak in peace.”

    I am glad to know that this behavior is atypical. However, I have never returned to that health club again..
    Izzy

  27. JAyke says:

    @BidnissAsUsu
    You might want to do some research sir. Back in the days when homosexuals were beaten and thrown in jail for being who they were promiscuity was high because it was the only way they were allowed to be together.. fuck and then go.. theses days promiscuity levels in homosexuals are no worse than those in straight MALES.. also did you know that the average person infected with AIDS is a MIDDLE AGED BLACK WOMAN..also… because you knew a WHOLE THREE gay men does not mean you are experienced with or knowledgeable about the homosexual community… so please next time you go to make a stupid comment do your homework. It would be much appreciated, and you won’t look like an ass. :)

    @Susan
    Excuse me mam, but have you taken a look at the men for women section.. it may not have as many men in search of fetishes or kins but there are jsut as many dirty perves on there looking to “pound some pussy” as there are gay men looking to hook up.. You also cannot judge an entire people based on the few who make it bad. That’s like saying”Everyone who reads Harry Potter isn’t a Christian because it’s a book about MAGIC! GASP” So please do us all a favor and save your unjustified judgement for yourself.. it sounds like you may need it.

    @Margaret,

    Good madam, I hope you take every part of the Bible quite as literally as you take the verse you posted…. Have you read the entire Bible? Do you follow every part of it verbatim? I surely hope you don’t eat shellfish. But all in the seas or in the rivers that do not have fins and scales, all that move in the water or any living thing which is in the water, they are an abomination to you.” (Leviticus 11:10
    I would hate to have to say that you were an abomination. You do know that you can’t hate a person for who they are and call yourself a Christian. As a Christian you are supposed to turn the other cheek, forgive, show love and mercy, not show hate and prejudice. So as it stands Margaret, i would say you are far from a Christian and YOU should be the one asking for forgiveness…

  28. Taryn! says:

    @Grace:

    As a transwoman myself, and fully cognizant of the reality that binary gender is problematic, you completely missed the point of this blog and the audience that this blog is trying to reach, as well as the scope of the issue and the amount that can be addressed in any single article without being too overwhelming or skipping too many steps. Simply put: the OK Cupid blog is simply trying to present the data that they have collected in order to serve the social purpose of ceasing homophobic attacks (as implied by their introduction). You and I both very well know that the strategy for stopping transphobic attacks are markedly different than homophobic ones, and that by going outside of the context of this blog post, you are trolling the writers and thereby not accomplishing your stated task of trans rights.

    Comment about this on your own blog all you want, but you have totally missed how much good this post will do (see what Gelinda McKee says), or how much you have actually made us look hateful and elitist (see what Steve C. says).

  29. Blixi says:

    The figures for the percentage who chose ‘Earth is bigger than the Sun’ can’t possibly reflect that of the entire population. I say this because, clearly a lot of people who think the Earth is bigger than the Sun are bound to be having trouble finding a boyfriend/girlfriend and hence turn to a dating site. The percentage of gays who think the Earth is bigger than the Sun is a smaller figure because less of them are single due to educational failings.

    What do you think? :P

  30. Josh Aarons says:

    Hi there
    Thanks so much for the article it really got me thinking and i hope that
    homosexuals get noticed and accepted in a way that is not based on who they are in bed but who they are as they stand before you as an every day normal person soon.

    I plan on comming out in the future, so this is so critical for me in so many ways to help me feel comfortable with who i am when i do and not worry about ignorent, short sighted morons like Jim Demint!!!!!

    so i really do thank you for taking the time to do all this…..

  31. Gay Riley says:

    I really appreciate that you guys put this up so that at least people can be educated in some form. You know, I also really appreciate that the comments(At least that I have read, on this page) are really respectful,constructive and thought out. It shows we are moving in a forward direction! Thanks to the writer of the column and to the people commenting! :)

  32. Neil says:

    I’m straight and I have no problem or worries about gay’s. In fact,
    I’m glad there are gays!

    1.You never have to worry about a gay man stealing your girlfriend(although he
    may steal her away for a day to go shopping).

    2.For every gay man that is one less man to have to compete with when
    seeking a partner.

    Homophobic people need to grow up. Also thought I’m going to have to be blunt here. Gay kids in schools need to start taking some karate lessons and fighting back bullies. In schools they will always find a reason to mess with you until you bust them in the face a couple good times. When I was a kid I seen more kids in school being bullied for small(like myself) or poor, or dressing like a freak. You have to fight for you right to be yourself sometimes..

  33. Ellie says:

    Based on the things gay men/women and straight men/women like, straight people seem so boring and straight up dumb. And I am saying this a straight person. No wonder all my friends are nerdy guys! Nicholas Sparks? GROSS.

  34. BritBoy says:

    I’m British and not gay myself but have lots of gay friends. I don’t understand why people’s attitudes towards homosexuality are so backward in the states when it’s supposed to be the ‘land of the free’. Maybe you lot should take a leaf out of our book?

  35. Lori says:

    I don’t know why some people are so interested in what kind of sex other people are having. All I care about is me and whethere or not I’M getting any, LOL.

  36. Mary says:

    Interesting analysis. I have to agree with Grace on one point though, where she said, “And the fact that your article is written from the straight perspective, which is clear through the language of othering used in describing “them”-us gays–is just more isolating”.

    I found myself cringing a bit at the tone used in the writing and thinking that maybe it would have been good to have a gay writer collaborating with the author to help eliminate the “othering” language that was being used. For example, this sounds like something out of a wildlife show, with the host sitting in a chair talking about a different species: “Another common myth about gay people is that they sleep around.” The same idea could have been conveyed just as easily with, “There is a common myth that gay people sleep around.” The latter sentence could have been written by someone of any orientation.

  37. Gwinn says:

    This is a sample of people from a dating website. So, this “straight” profile of a guy who’s into “Van Halen, law enforcement, and Ultimate Fighting Championship” is actually the profile of a straight guy looking for chicks on a dating website…

    People with my highbrow cultural interests are too busy turning down women to spend time on dating websites

  38. kimsbeez says:

    i would just like to interject, that based on the “Things gay/straight people like”, I would much rather be in the company of gays…at least they’re not redneck!

  39. Cathy Hilling says:

    Terrific research. Terrific article!!! Please publish over and over again EVERYWHERE!

    Thank you for your research and data.

  40. Stephen J. says:

    Fascinating. Probably expalins whey at 14 0r 15 I said to my Mother “I think I was sent to the wrong planet.” However, I am gay and I like to fish, and to dance. I run about 50/50 with the straight and gay interestests. of course, I diodn’t even begin coming out until I was in my early 30″s. Most of the sexual sudies show that approximately 10% iof the pospulation is either straight or gay. The majority 60-80% are slighrtly to toally bi-sexual.

  41. laura says:

    awesome article! got me thinking and laughing at the same time.
    thanks!

  42. Xero says:

    I don’t really care how much sex gays have or if they fantasize about straights and/or try to convert them, so long as the sex they have is consensual, I don’t really see why I should care or how it’s any of my business. It’s puzzling to me how other people can get so worked up over the private decisions of other people.

    Then, I’m probably preaching to the choir here.

  43. Davdelion says:

    Live and Let Live,…not used enough in todays society. T.V. and the fear of Gay children help Champion the “My Country Right or Wrong” mentality even among my extended family and friends. I am not trying to be funny as I have a gay brother that I really appreciate as a brave man and a good person. But lets face a fact. The use of the part of the anatomy that is primarily used as a garbage shoot ,….now used as a sex organ is going to take QUITE a while for Jane and John Doh-Doh to get used to.

  44. Stevie Jay says:

    @Liq – I hear you, dude. Regardless of one’s sexual orientation, it’s just not cool to be accosted by anyone, male OR female. I gotta say though, TWO unwanted advances from dudes doesn’t seem like such a big number, relatively speaking. That’s just my opinion, of course, but frankly, it’s the tip of the iceberg compared to what the average woman has to put up with nowadays– over and over and over and over again–daily, weekly, annually. “Hey baby, what’s your name? You’re hot. You wanna do this, you wanna do that… Come on. You KNOW you want it. Don’t be shy. Come on, let me buy you a drink. Awwwwww…come on, don’t act that way. Let me buy you a drink. What’s your name?” On and on and on. A woman can’t go out to a club or a bar without hearing this stuff all night long. And it doesn’t matter HOW many times the girl says, “NO, I’m NOT interested.” Dudes just persist and persist. When it comes to MEN, there’s a tendency to be more of a pig and less of a gentleman–that’s just a fact–especially when alcohol is involved.

    And while the idea of homosexuality might be gross to you–there are millions of women out there who feel that EXACT same way about the guys in these scenarios: “GROSS! F’*#k OFF!!” And how many times have YOU witnessed these exchanges in which the guys flat-out REFUSE to back off when the woman has made it 100% clear that SHE IS NOT INTERESTED. Guys just push and push and push. I KNOW you’ve seen it at bars and clubs.

    Further, untold numbers of men, too, find themselves on the RECEIVING end of unwanted advances… from WOMEN. And guess what? A lot of those men find these kinds of advances equally as distasteful as your regard for having been hit on by a couple of dudes.

    And you know what else?

    Some people think that HETEROSEXUALITY is gross, too. Just plain ol’ sex. Gross.

    And some people think that MASTURBATION is gross.

    And some people think that eating MEAT is gross.

    And some people think that eating AVOCADOS is gross.

    And some people think that ALL of the aforementioned activities are EVIL–as well as gross.

    There is no end to the list of things that people find GROSS…and evil.

    The question I ask myself is: Who am I to judge someone’s taste buds (literally and metaphorically)?

    Personally, I just want to be respected. I’ve been hit on by guys and I’ve been hit on by girls, and to me, the key issue is respect. If I make it clear to the person hitting on me that I’m not interested, then I expect that person to HONOR my wishes. I have a right to state my boundaries and to claim my personal space, and with that, I expect that the person will back off once I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested. To me, whether the advance comes from a man or from a woman–the issue is RESPECT. When I say NO–please HONOR IT.

  45. Sparrow says:

    You know, I’d actually love to see statistics for how many straight men have ever searched for gay women. I feel like I’ve had a disproportionate number of straight male visitors to my profile, but maybe I’m just unlucky. I’ve also received messages from straight men (this was actually a CONSTANT occurrence when I used OKCupid years ago; I’m not sure why it happens less frequently now but I like it).

    It would be interesting if straight-identified men turned out to be the group most likely to disrespect others’ declarations of preference.

  46. Rylan says:

    Great. Love it. Except one thing. I’m transgender. In general, could OkCupid please not ignore that trans people exist? I know it will take some programming, but I beg you – please make a option that’s not just male or female. Genderqueer/transgender whatever you call it. It will be much appreciated by me and many others (including people who like dating us!)

    And if you were wondering who that damn outlier was in the “straight dude” category, I confess. After all I am a straight dude who has 27 years of female socialization!

  47. Laura Ess says:

    As a transwomen who after years of being on OKCupid and deleted her entry while in a pit of depression (and I haven’t missed it yet), I’d have to say that I found this an interesting article, debunking a certain point of view.

    I would be interested in seeing an equivalent for trans myths using OKCupid, but I suspect that may be beyond the (assumed) cisgendered author to ask the right questions.

  48. Katie says:

    I loved this article. You mention that gay people rarely search for straight users. I wonder what the opposite is like. How many straight users search for gay people? It hasn’t happened to me but I know a few lesbians who get a fair amount of messages from straight guys trying to “convert” them.

  49. Chikara says:

    To all the christian bigots on here who keep saying that the bible says homosexuality is wrong and persecute us: doesn’t it also say in your bible somewhere that you should love your neighbor, and never make anyone less than yourself? Excuse me for thinking that publicly ridiculing someone isn’t exactly “loving your neighbor”. I really don’t care what you think, in fact I do have a few friends who think that homosexuality is wrong, but they DON’T SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT. They respect my decision, I respect theirs. Doesn’t that sound like a nice society?

    *ahem* getting off my soapbox, thank you OkTrends for posting this article, I found it very fascinating… although I am now ashamed of my gender for the moon vs. earth question ><

  50. Mok says:

    It’s kinda funny… I see so many comments lauding this article for promoting understanding and acceptance of gays, yet what I just read actually confirms a lot of the (negative) behavioral/personality stereotypes that are a big part of why so many people don’t like gays.

    And of course more straight women are bi-curious or have had homosexual encounters than straight men. Women (in general, there are always plenty of exceptions) are physically attractive while men are physically repulsive. It astounds me sometimes that most women actually are straight. I say this, of course, as a 100% straight male.